SECOND OPTIONS

“You look beautiful when you laugh”
“Oh do I? Can I arrange a meet-up with my friends so you can tell them that?” I ask you jokingly.
I’ve always had a terrible laughter and I know plus my two idiot friends never let me forget.
“Gladly. But seriously Ann, I asked you to meet with me because I wanted us to talk.”
Your statement makes me tense. This can’t be good. The last time someone wanted us to talk it didn’t end well.
“You know what I want? I want a nice meal and a hot bath.”
“Ann stop, we really have to talk.”
“Don’t you mean you want to talk?”
I saw the text messages, this morning when you were out on your morning run. I didn’t mean to snoop around but you know how tempting and thrilling it is to do what you ate not supposed to. I saw the message from your ex saying it was great talking to you. At first I wanted to curse you out and throw things at you. But you know what mom says about that.
“It is not lady like to curse young lady.”
I can already hear her stern voice. Something tells me that tonight will not go as I had expected. That is why I don’t want to give you a chance to talk. I know what you’re going to tell me but hearing it directly from you will tear me apart.
“I bought two concert tickets for next week. Your favorite band will be performing”
“Ann…”
“Also I need you to take me to Shan’s house tomorrow morning.”
“Ann, MercyandIaregettingmarriednextmonth.”
“What did you say?”
“Mercy and I are getting married next month Ann. The other day when I came home late I had gone to meet up with her. She explained what happened that day and I… Well I forgave her. Not because I don’t love you babe but you know she’s pregnant right? I cannot let my child be born out of wedlock. I’m really sorry Ann, I never meant to hurt you. ”
I want to hurt you, I want to hurt you as hard as you’ve done me. I should have known this would happen. You never really stopped loving her. I knew that but I thought that maybe, just maybe you’d give this second option a chance.

©Sharon Adhiambo

2021

JABALI

“Sasa mommy tutaenda wapi?” My 6 year old son asks. I pretend not to hear him.
“Mom, tutaendaa?” he persists
“Huh?”
“Si daddy amesema asitupate apa akirudi? Sasa tutaenda wapi?”
“Usijali baba tutaenda kwa aunty Peshy.” I reply with a little smile when all I want to do is scream out loud. My 3 months old daughter isn’t giving me rest either, she is hungry, we’re all hungry. I give her my tit to suckle just to make her stop crying. But I know there’s nothing there.

Zach always does this but today there was a different look in his eyes when he said, “Nikirudi hapa niwapate nitawaua”. It’s like he really meant it.
Zach and I met when I was in campus. He was my answered prayer. Granted he was fifteen years older than me but isn’t age just a number? He was the perfect man for me, dinner dates in posh hotels, surprise parties and gifts, holiday escapades to the beaches across Africa you name it. Everyone was jealous of me well except my parents. The first time I introduced him to them mom called me outside for a little discussion.
“Aiii Jojo huyu si ni mzee sana kwako? Baba yako amemkataa he’s not the one for you.”
“Mom mi nampenda”. Can’t believe I said that.(Rolls eyes)
Escaping to a different town and getting married was his idea and I foolishly agreed. You know that period when you’re madly in love and blinded by it? His best friend and his childhood friend acted as our witnesses.

I still remember the disappointment in mom’s face when I told her about our marriage. That was six years ago, they cut ties with me. Zahara my sister was also barred from communicating with me or visiting me.
“Joan ashakuwa mkubwa ameamua aolewe bila wazazi wake acha aishi na bwanake,” Dad told Patience my best friend when she went to apologize on my behalf after Zach had beat me up. It was the first time, then came the second, third, fourth until I lost count.
“Mommy mbona unalia? Ni juu ya daddy? Nikikuwa mkubwa nitampiga, sawa?” Jabali brings me back to reality. He’s too smart for his age this one.
“Ni kitu imeingia kwa macho ya mommy baba usijali. Na usipige daddy hiyo ni kukosa heshima sawa? ” I say as I pack our last bag. Pendo finally slept, but I know it won’t be for long.

©Sharon Adhiambo

2021

POISONOUS ENTERTAINMENT By Denis Kanyeki

The youth are the largest consumers of entertainment all over the world. They are super fascinated by entertainment and also happen to form the biggest percentage of all the entertainers in the world.It is however apparent that we as the youth are consuming the entertainment a little too much and we have replaced more important aspects of life with entertainment. Kids these days don’t even go out to play no more they stay indoors playing video games and surfing the internet. These same kids grow up to have no friends, the only friends they have are from the school they go to. Its no surprise they don’t even hang out with their next door neighbour’s kid.

In situations like these these kids grow up with no regard for people and friends and the older they get they outgrow most of the entertainment that used to keep them busy as kids. Its impossible for a 16 year old to stay indoors all day playing video games by himself its not as entertaining as it used to be when he was 10.

This slowly turns into loneliness and and self seclusion from the world which breeds depression and self esteem issues faster than it would seem. Issues like these when accompanied by other sad but inevitable events in life tear these kids in half. Say a kid who’s an introvert and antisocial looses their mom.
It was hard enough for them to deal with the loneliness and now they have even a bigger problem. These kids get depressed and face mental health issues most of them start abusing drugs and others feel like they’ve had enough of life and commit suicide forgetting that nothing changes. Same old story every time, these kids are already facing enough and when things like these happen they finish them off.

We however are in no capacity to take it upon ourselves to control events like these, what we can control is the effects of entertainment on our kids and how to make the youth realise that too much of these is poisonous.

An open letter by Sharon Adhiambo

Human skin color ranges in variety from the darkest brown to the lightest hues. Every skin colour looks beautiful in its own way and one shouldn’t let narrow-minded people drill ridiculous beauty stereotypes into our heads. If you are light skinned, girl you are beautiful and amazing. If you have lightened your skin, I respect your decision but today my letter is addressed to that dark skinned girl who has been feeling left out. So, yeah…

Dear dark skinned girl,
Hey sis, this might sound cliché but how are you? I hope you are doing fine. Selfishly, I must admit that this letter is as much for me as it is for you because even though I am older and wiser now, and even though I’ve grown into my own skin, I too, have felt the intense pressure that comes with living as a dark skinned girl in a colorist society.

See, my love, you need to realize that beauty is more than skin deep, it’s a state of mind. You cannot expect someone to accept you if you haven’t accepted yourself. I know you feel the pain of interacting with people who don’t appreciate your complexion. I know you ache to see a representation of yourself in the media, not simply as the loud dark skinned girl, but the beautiful, quirky, smart dark skinned girl who is desirable, wanted, appreciated and loved.

Sweetheart, I am sorry that they have constantly shoved the idea into your mind that light skin is the right skin. I am sorry that they haven’t told you how beautiful you really are because trust me you are. I am sorry that they have been telling you that unless you are light no guy will want you for a wife which is not the case. You cannot change someone’s preference but you best believe that you are someone else’s preference too. You just need to give it time. Don’t forget that good things come to those who wait.

Dear, your skin color can never subtract your strength or prevent you from doing anything in this lifetime. That is an illusion. You are still able. Your skin color is not a deterrent keeping you from any goal in life, and I challenge you to fully grasp this concept. As I finish I want to leave you with Helen Keller’s words: “Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.”
#lovewins
#loveisrespect

With love,
Your sister.

RELATIONSHIP PHOBIAS|| Kainotophobia by Sharon Adhiambo

Courtesy: A lean journey

Kainotophobia is the fear of change. Most of us look forward to change in life and although there might be some fear associated with it, there is definitely more excitement. Certain people however prefer a life which is rather monotonous with as few changes as possible. But there are a few who become intensely fearful even when they think about the slightest change of any kind.

Saying goodbye to some things in a relationship can be hard particularly when there’s history, emotion or a story behind them.We feel our identity is wrapped up in these things and without them, we start to question who we are. No long-term relationship stays exactly the same over the years. As couples navigate the ups and downs of life together, they grow and evolve, both as individuals and as partners.

When getting into a relationship, it is important to note that things will change at some point. As humans, we evolve. Our perspectives, values, and behaviors change over time which can affect our partners. People in relationships will experience many adjustments.

If you struggle with fear of change, don’t allow it to trap you into a life that you don’t want. It might seem scary to think that things won’t always be the way they were when you first started dating, but as long as you and your partner are willing to embrace the challenges that will come along as a team, there’s no reason to fear your relationship changing.

While change may seem terrifying, the real tragedy is living a life that doesn’t bring you any joy. The common thing about all goodbyes is that change is inevitable and at one time or the other it will occur. Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

#lovewins

#loveisrespect

Fashion Obsessed | Personality meets Fashion

By Otieno Humphrey, March 8, 2019, in Lifestyle Over Splendour

Photo | iikfw.com

Does personality dictate fashion design, or does fashion design dictate personality? As easy as it may seem, this question requires a very deep contemplation. Apparently, it is very hard to guess someone’s dressing codes from their personalities but very easy to define their personalities from the way they dress.

As the saying goes “a man is known by his dress and address”. Fashion design is not all about wearing something just because everyone else is wearing the same or because it’s classy! It is about first finding out how you’ll look on certain clothes, your body type, weight, complexion and family background, nature of work, climate, then dress according to the occasion. It becomes so clear that the cloth you put on entirely reflects to who are, what you feel and what you would achieve in life.

It is very possible, though, to more than one personalities but in different level. Thus we are generally divided into the following dominant personalities; Sanguine (spontaneous and optimistic), Phlegmatic (sympathetic and agreeable), Choleric (analytic and harsh) and Melancholic (careful and orderly). These personalities have the following relations to fashion.

Sanguine Personality

Sanguine personality is a type of personality that loves the life of luxury  and expensive life with an aim of impressing others. They are big spenders especially when they get the opportunity to, hence love travelling a lot to have fun and pleasure from their wealth. Sanguine personality is artistic, charming and gives great attention to the senses and how things look. They are characterized by curiosity, fun, drama, talkativeness and a wide range of interest. Unlike the Choleric who spend much time making their wealth, the Sanguine would enjoy them.

Sanguine and Fashion

Since they are certain to turn heads in eye catching outfit, they tend to get noticed using their bright, colorful and fun dressings. Sanguine persons are great lovers of exciting patterns, heavy accessories, hence become fixated on a certain color or type of garment that can cause them to fall into a rut and look the same all the time.

Photo | tinypic.com and catholicleader.com respectively

Phlegmatic Personality

Phlegmatic personality is one which is easygoing, peaceful, has a sense of responsibility, tolerant, diplomatic in naturally, requires time to adapt to changes. This kind of persons are reserved but seen by others as warm, trustworthy, valuable and friendly. Unlike any other personality types, they seek interpersonal harmony and close relationships. They also tend to avoid conflicts by mediating between others to restore peace and harmony.

Phlegmatic and Fashion

Phlegmatic persons are naturally trend setters therefore tend to set their own trends in fashion design and are comfortable living by them. As much as they can never go wrong with comfortable outfits like jeans, they love doing simple outfits.

They love choosing softly tailored, unstructured garments with little fussy detail, mixing and matching their outfits to give versatility. Phlegmatic people also favor fabrics with texture in their dressings.

Photo | four-temperaments.com

Choleric Personality

These are the examples of people referred to as the “go getters” or the “doers”. They are known to be extremely practical, determined, straightforward, powerful, self-disciplined and stubborn. Choleric persons are known to be strong leaders and love analyzing situations deeply before anything. They are programmed to putting mote emphasis on getting their own way and not attracting people to liking them. Unlike the other three personalities, Choleric persons are not very good companions or social but rather prefer meaningful conversions especially on issues that requite their interest.

Choleric and Fashion

Choleric personalities are always very practical when choosing their clothing hence it becomes very hard to predict their outfits. They appropriately choose their garments and accessories that project their behavior and power. They are therefore not afraid of color hence end up preferring fabrics of a definite shape and defined, classical pieces like a little dark dress, riding boots or an elegant power suit.

Photo | four-temperaments.com

Melancholic Personality

This is a perfectionist, accurate, thoughtful, extremely orderly, deep and serious personality. Persons with this personality are social and seek to contribute to the community. They are also said to be logical and realistic but very cynical on realism. This makes them believe on the motto “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right!”. In most cases, they may end up being fantastic managers. In their state, they tend to differ with the Sanguine personalities all the time. Unlike the Sanguine, they are not lovers of luxury, big spending and adventure. They tend to avoid this at all cost.

Melancholic and Fashion

Melancholic personalities gravitate to balanced and harmonious looks. For this reason, they always end up purchasing an entire outfit featured in a mannequin. They always desire to look “put together” and would be comfortable in ‘outfits’ that are intentionally purchased and dedicated to be worn together. These persons are fashionable, refined and elegant. They would therefore put on anything that is easy to pair with, like denim or khaki.

Photo | quora.com and psychologenie.com respectively

So, what personality trait do you think fits you? Add your comment below and the discussion on.

ASSOCIATION OF ENTERTAINMENT WITH LIFESTYLES IN KENYA by Denis Kanyeki

In Kenya, the entertainment a person consumes says a great deal about their lifestyle and way of life. Different genres of music and films are associated with different aspects of life in the country. Take for instance reggae music, its popular for being played in local barbershops and matatus and there are thousands of memes and articles online associating the listeners of this music to illiteracy, bhang abuse and very shabby hair.

On the contrary hip hop and trap music listeners are regarded as `cool’ and ones that move with the new wave. Despite the fact that most of these songs are basically about drugs, women and money and are of absolutely no intellectual value to their listeners, they are associated with class and high end living. They are mostly played in high end clubs and insanely expensive parties and raves.

Local music including afro pop and bongo is regarded as music for the common folk. Its the music that your janitor and your house maid will normally dance to. Its also the most popular genre of music in the country and most of it is in Swahili. Its listeners are seen as ordinary country people, your everyday Tom, Dick and Harry with no regard for music outside that genre at all.

Gospel music is for the saints, for the brothers and sisters of Christ if Jesus was Kenyan this is what he’d listen to. They’re quick to judge listeners of secular music based on a flash of drugs in the music videos. Its associated with religion and sometimes hypocrisy. Its mostly consumed by old people as it is with country music and very religious young folks. Its the 2nd most popular type of music in the country.

Rock music is the for the introverts, for the folks that don’t talk much. These music is associated with chill vibes and people who don’t appreciate the hype music just as much as they mind their own business. Its not very popular and only 1 out of 20 people consume this type of music.

The AfterLife

Light at the End of the Tunnel BY RONNEY ODUOR

Have you ever had the feeling of being outside your own body? A sensation of sliding down a long tunnel, and the appearance of a bright light at the end of that tunnel? My guess is, probably a no. Well, that’s not usually the answer for most people, who’ve actually undergone this spontaneous experience. Yes, that’s right! There’s people who have actually undergone this phenomenon, near-death experience.
What is an NDE? Typically, it’s a case where one is clinically dead, but returns to life. This experience is usually different from one person to another, though they share some common sensations. Common traits include the ones below:
1.Intense, pure bright light – Sometimes this intense light fills the room. In other cases, the subject sees a light that they feel represents either Heaven or God.
2.Out-of-body experience (OBE) – There is the feeling of leaving one’s body. One can look down and see it, often describing the sight of doctors working on him/her.
3.Entering into another realm or dimension – Depending on the person’s religious beliefs and nature of the experience, he or she may perceive this realm as Heaven or, in rare cases, as Hell.
4.Spirit beings – During the OBE, the subject encounters ‘beings of light,’ or other representations of spiritual entities. He or she may perceive these as deceased loved ones, angels, saints or even God.
5.The tunnel – Many NDE subjects find themselves in a tunnel with a light at its end.
6.Communication with spirits – Before the NDE ends, many subjects report some form of communication with a spirit being.
7.Life review – This trait is also called ‘the panoramic life review.’ The subject sees his/her entire life in a flashback. These can be very detailed or very brief.

Courtesy: jashow.org

Scientific and supernatural explanations can be used to decipher NDEs.
Scientifically, medical science provides evidence that many aspects of NDEs are physiological and psychological in nature, and scientists have found that the drugs ketamine and PCP can create sensations in users that are nearly identical to many NDEs (HowStuffWorks.com)
On the other hand, a supernatural explanation is that someone who goes through an NDE is actually experiencing things that happen to their disembodied consciousness. When they are near death, their soul leaves their body and they begin to perceive things that they normally cannot. The soul goes through the border between our world and the afterlife, usually represented by a tunnel with a light at the end (HowStuffWorks.com)

Courtesy: medicalnewstoday.com

What do you think about NDEs? Are they proof of life after death? Do they confirm the existence of a soul? Are they even real, or just intense forms of hallucinations? For opinions and/or queries, leave a comment down in the comments section below. Remember to Like, Share and Suggest to help build a bigger boat!

RELATIONSHIP PHOBIAS|| Pistanthrophobia by Sharon Adhiambo

Image source: lovepanky.com

Pistanthrophobia is defined as the fear of trusting people due to past experience and relationships gone wrong.Trust is a thing that’s hard to earn yet easy to break. It’s fragile. It’s a leap of faith. It’s a terrifying thing to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up to someone else and it’s even more terrifying to trust someone else once you’ve had your trust broken. Here are a few signs that you could be pistanthrophobic.

You always think the worst case scenario.
When you have pistanthrophobia, you tend to expect things to go badly. Often, without any conscious prompting, your mind automatically jumps to and fixates on the worst possible scenarios.
You get jealous even over the slightest things.
You are so insecure about your place in the relationships that you’re in that you get so jealous a little too easily. Even something as simple as letting your partner have friends who you don’t know can make you very uncomfortable.
You snoop around on their phone.
We all have some curiosity to creep on someone we like when they’re texting or checking social media apps. However, going through their phone is completely different. It is a clear sign you have some major trust issues. Sure, if they’re not doing anything wrong, they wouldn’t have a reason to not let you look through their phone. However, there’s something called privacy, and everyone is entitled to it.
You need constant reassurance.
You can’t help it—your past failed relationships have made you really insecure. You’re clingy with your partner and need a lot of reassurance. It’s normal to want to know how your significant other feels about you. However, constantly asking them is not the way to go about it. You probably ask multiple times how they feel about you. Do you love me? How much do you love me? Are you sure? The list goes on.

It is very possible to overcome pistanthrophobia. Provide opportunities for people to earn your trust. Give them non-critical places where they can prove themselves and let them grow to greater responsibility as they do.

Make sure to leave a reaction down in the comments section and don’t forget to like and share.
#lovewins
#loveisrespect

LIFESTYLE DELUSION OF ENTERTAINERS by Denis Kanyeki

Entertainment and lavish lifestyles have been shipped together for the longest time. Why do u think its so? Entertainers that have come before have set the bar so high for the upcoming that its almost impossible to be up to the standards. More times than not, entertainment comes with fame and a lump of money and it is these aspects of entertainment that makes it look so lucrative and satisfying. Rich and famous is the equivalent of success in the industry.

The society has over the years seen very rich and famous entertainers that to be an accepted entertainer today u either have to be rich or famous or even better both. These has caused many young and aspiring entertainers to change their lifestyles to be up to standards that are impossible to meet.

We’ve seen entertainers blow major bags on the most ridiculous things u would think of. Spending millions on watches, jewellery and fancy cars yet still living in rented houses.

Entertainers these days bite more than they can chew and when it gets to the throat it chokes them. People buy lavish stuff and forget about the most important but basic stuff and when the sun doesn’t shine on them anymore they have nothing left but expensive chains, golden grills and a bunch of cars.

The society expects more from entertainers than just entertainment sometimes a little too much. Entertainers go way over their heads to satisfy these needs and most of the times they get carried away and when the dust settles and reality kicks in they’re right where they started.